An Italian, A Scotchsman and a Chinese man.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a
Construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the
Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I
expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of
hours, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the
Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa
disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I
thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could
nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in  chairge of
supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile
of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of
sand  and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!

The Donkey In The Well

When I was a kid I looked forward to checking my email every morning... Why? Well, my grandma Nelle was an incredibly funny woman who forwarded the best jokes via email. Yes, my grandma had a computer. Haha. Anyway, I hope you laugh as hard as I did reading this.

THE DONKEY IN THE WELL


One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbor continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

O.K., that's enough of that B.S. The donkey later came back, caught the farmer out in the field and kicked the shit out of him. Then he went over to each of his neighbors farms and kicked the shit out of them too for helping.

The REAL Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you

"A" Way to Marketing

My best friend and I decided to pair up to produce an item that we could sell to our English class. We decided to sell a weight loss beverage that not only helped with weight loss, but also prevented acne. 

I thought this was well written considering I was fifteen and she was sixteen years old. We received an "A" for our final grade regardless of how many people in the classroom raised their hand that were willing to buy our product. Yeah, four people out of a class of thirty wasn't all that bad...heh.

78643 Lumber Jack Lane

Buffalo , NY 30061

January 12, 2004

Archina Sanchez

Wal-Mart Service

7000 Marina Blvd.
Buffalo , NY 30073

Dear Product Manager:
I have developed an invention that can quickly gain your company meaningful market shares in Weight Loss Beverages. 12 of the 16 end users surveyed with a sample said that they strongly preferred my invention over Slim Fast and Atkins Advantage. My invention incorporates patentable features that will give you a long term competitive advantage and enable your company to make an excellent return on investment. This beverage is a weight loss drink and it also fights and prevents acne. I am seeking to license my invention exclusively. A trial product is available for review. Please contact me to discuss putting a non-disclosure agreement in place so I can share more detailed information.
Thank you for this opportunity.
Sincerely,

Chelsea Wells and Jessica Cook

(808)643-2367- Daytime

(808) 245-8472- Evening

Email: Mooshouchicken@yahoo.com  

Blast From The Past

I decided to go through my old email account that I had created in the 6th grade to find some interesting survey's that my friends and I would post on Myspace or forward through email. We would fill out these surveys when we had nothing better to do or when we would avoid slaving away on our biblical studies during independent study. Lets see how much I've changed, shall we?

Survey:

I have long brown hair, blue eyes (I know it's a weird mix), and I am 5'7".  I am 1/2 Danish,  German, Dutch, English, Scottish, Black Scotch, French and Irish!! What a mix, aye?          

I like to hang-out with friends, talk on the phone, rollerblade, play volley-ball, sing, dance, act, make people laugh,and be a total psycho with my friends. 

My B-day- Nov.27th                                                                                                                                                                         

Favorite color- Pink and purple

Favorite drink- Shirley Temple, Sprite, and Gatorade (blue or watermelon)

Favorite type of food- Italian and Mexican

Favorite food(s)- Spaghetti, raw noodles, shrimp, tacos, burritos, mac-n-cheese, taquitos, and mashed potatoes.

Favorite Restaurant(s) - Pasta Pronto, Logan's Road house, La Palomar, and SENOR ROSAS!!

Got to have my burritos!

Favorite candy- Watermelon Jolly Ranchers and pink Starbursts.

Favorite car- 1989, Porsche red Corvette with black interior.

Favorite movie(s)- Body Guard, Preachers Wife, 10 Thing I hate about you, and Sister act 1&2, and Pretty Woman.

Favorite Actor(s) - Jim Carrey, Pierce Brosnan, Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise and Victor Borge.

Favorite Actress(es)- Julia Roberts, Julie Andrews, Sandra Bullock, and Goldie Hahn.

Favorite Singer(s) - Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, Celine Dion, and Mariah Carey.                                                                                   

Favorite ice cream- Chocolate Chip                                                                                                                                                                               

Favorite coffee drink(s) - Double shot espresso (nothing added), Starbucks caramel frappichino.                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Favorite cookie- Tom Thumb bars (My mom's recipe) only made around Christmas.                                                                                               

Things I look forward to: Working for money and spending all of it for gifts for Christmas.                                                                                  

Favorite cartoon(s) - Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, Homer Simpson, and many more.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Bestest Friends ever- Allison, Ginny, and Chenyu.                                          

Favorite animal- Llama

Who I like- Hmm..Let's see..ROFL..I'm not saying!